Friday, August 28, 2009

the LRC kid

reasons why i love mark, the LRC kid.

1. the other day i struck up a conversation with him.
"mark, what grade are you in."
"fourth. my principal is from japanese!"

2. this.
i sneakily recorded him with my phone at closing time, so that's why the quality isn't that great.
apparently his summer hip-hop camp taught him well.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Dragon Tears

I am crying Dragon Tears. Which, as we all know, turn into jelly beans.
Flight of the Conchords aside, I am still weeping Huge, Massive, Heartfelt Dragon Tears.

And, why?

Because I am leaving the LRC. Forever.

*ever... ever... ever...*

That was an echo.

Oh. And Lanee probably won't let me post anymore.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

What you didn't know about the drop box monster. . .

When Cheryl and I first conceived of the monster we all know and love, he was not just as he is now. Under my superior managerial direction and Cheryl's artistic know-how (which is to say Cheryl doing everything and me watching and giving unwanted commentary) the prototype was created. The original set of teeth were deemed too scary--we didn't want patrons to fear the loss of a limb when depositing their items in the box--so we changed, but not to worry, we put the original to good use.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

The LRC-Bot hadn't always felt that way. In fact he hadn't even always been able to feel. This was an entirely new thing.

He wasn't just a cold steely machine. He had felt warmth before. Maybe that was because he was a space heater.

But no, this was different. This had nothing to do with his wiring. This had nothing to do with outlets or electricity. This had nothing to do with science, but it had everything to do with her.

Her short sassy hair...her laugh...her adorable button nose. He just couldn't help himself. He went giddy every time she walked in the door. If only he had the ability to speak, he would call out to her and tell her of his love...

But alas, all the LRC-Bot can do is kneel dutifully at her feet, gazing up into her eyes and hoping that one day she will look down and see the face of love staring back up at her. He didn't mind waiting. He could wait a million years for...


...for Lanee!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Library Eccentrics

You've all seen them. You may think they're weirdos, you may find them entertaining, you may even be inspired by them. I would just like to present you all with a list of my favorite lib regulars, you have to love them.

*For the protection of those described all names will be omitted and actual identities will remain anonymous*

The LRC Kid--let's just start with our favorite shall we? You'll know him by his cartoon-glazed eyes and uncontrollable need to touch everything. Other defining characteristics include the obsessive use of library telephones.

The Potato Man--this wonderful geriatric wanders the first (or is it the second?) floor with potatoes in his pockets. No, this is not a joke. He's a regular fixture. See Melissa at reserve for more information.

The Bandage Lady--a fellow library employee, The Bandage Lady works on the fifth floor and has been wearing an inexplicable bandage on one side of her forehead for upwards of six months. Any possible explanations and theories welcome.

The Scarf Man--One of my personal favorites, Scarf Man sports long locks and a scarf wrapped constantly around his face. The jury is still out as to whether he's actually a vampire afraid of the sun or if he's attempting to avoid the swine flu. I am also of the belief that he has a sugar mama as he can frequently be found with a blond woman roughly twice his age with a thick southern accent who checks out books for him with faculty privileges.

The Library Twins--these two faithful janitors wear the same shirt every day. Every day, without fail, perfectly matching.

The Stony-faced Security Girl--I think you all know who I'm talking about. Always wearing a scowl, I have never seen her smile and have more than once awaken in the middle of the night with a cold shiver running up my spine and her face seared into my mind. Anyone who can make her smile wins all of my respect and a billion dollars.

The Library Stalker--this friendly student knows every desk clerk by name, has probably approached you entering/exiting the library, and has been accused of mildly stalking. Though I personally find him very friendly, others claim a creepier vibe from this regular.

Alberto Puertas--the infamous foe of the LRC, Puertas has been known to steal movies and other various objects and to swindle unsuspecting desk clerks into giving him excessive amounts of materials which he then never returns. Also recently quoted in the world-famous Daily Universe.

Creepy Creepy Music Man--this guy has probably made you want to sink to your knees and cower under the circulation desk. Said to be a Music Library employee his favorite hobby is harassing circ clerks and staring/hovering with the utmost creepiness. Rumor has it he's no longer allowed to work with girls in the music library due to, well, creepiness. Also we're pretty sure he has a crush on Jeff.

MLM Exec--a newcomer to the eccentrics, this guy reserves the corner room in the LRC every day so that he can lure in unsuspecting victims and try to sell them on a multi-level marketing scheme that will more likely than not lead them to a very unwise investment.


Saturday, August 1, 2009

strangest shift ever

at the beginning of the shift, a bunch of obnoxious freshmen came in and asked us for movie selections. apparently the binder wasn't good enough, so they came back to the desk and demanded recommendations from the vault.

"we want a scary one," said the genderless one in the green shirt.
"no, stephanie doesn't like scary movies," said the girl with black hair. "do you have a funny one?"

i proceeded to walk down the dvd vault row and call off the titles of comedies.

"we have legally blonde... the court jester... the simpsons..."

each suggestion was shot down. the genderless one had an idea.

"let's watch step up 2," it said. "i have it in my dorm."

so while genderless one and a companion made the trek back to heritage, the rest of their posse decided to lie down by the 3-day checkout binder. that's right. on the floor. patrons were literally stepping over them so that they could get to the binder.
30 noisy minutes later, genderless one returned with the cinematographic masterpiece step up 2 and asked me for a room. they also asked me:
  • if we were hiring (i said no)
  • what book i was reading
  • if emily was any good at sudoku
  • why i work in the LRC
  • the purpose of life
after they were safely caged in a room, i let out a sigh of relief and went back to the desk. the peace only lasted for a few short minutes, however.
it was at that moment a socially awkward-looking person crept into the LRC and slipped into room 4821, which apparently had been accidentally left open by the previous patrons. he had a green fleece jacket tied around his waist and i'm sure he wore hiking boots. he then proceeded to stare at emily and i from within the room in the chair closest to the door. he sat there and stared like a rat in a hole. every few minutes he would scamper out of the LRC, but he always snuck back in, sat in the room and stared. eventually i decided to take some action.
i grabbed wanda and held it like a beating stick, walked over to room 4821, and slowly opened the door. he jumped and stared at me with his beady, ratty eyes (i almost expected him to hiss with displeasure when the light reached his pupils).

"um... did you need anything?" i asked him.
"no," he said confidently. "the rest of my party will be here shortly."
"oh. well, you know, these rooms have to be reserved ahead of time. but if you come over to the desk, i can sign you up."
"oh. ok."

i left under the impression he was going to follow me. but when i got back behind the desk, he was gone.
i'm pretty sure his "party" wasn't really coming.